nine years

Nine years ago you were here with me physically sharing our human lives together. You made me a Mom and you brought me so much joy, love and purpose to my life. You were here and then overnight, you were gone. I didn’t get to say goodbye or have any kind of closure. I guess it was designed that way because if I really knew on a conscious level what was going to happen, I would have done absolutely everything in my power to stop it from happening. I acknowledge that I am just not that powerful and it was out of my human control to change your soul’s destiny. I am so sorry you left, how and when you did. But I am eternally grateful for the almost 21 years I had you here with me and for all you are continuing to teach me from the other side. As the years are passing by, this grief I feel is changing. Some days it is more manageable than others. On days like today, it hurts extra hard. I know this is something I will live with for the rest of my life, for grief is really all this love with no place to go. You were here, and what matters now is that you aren’t forgotten. You will never be forgotten because you will always live in my heart, until we can be together again. So please be extra patient with me today. Nine years ago a piece of my heart went to heaven and I am still trying to figure out how to exist when such a big part of me is missing. I love you endlessly, my sweet Jacob.